Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
