First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
