She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
