Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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