We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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