He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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