How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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