just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
