i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
