so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
