He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
