I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
