I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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