I love black thongs
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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