I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
smell my finger.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
