he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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