Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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