Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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