dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
