When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
