No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
