I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
