So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my poor anus
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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