Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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