Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
