So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
