Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
