that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
