I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
