Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
