As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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