so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
