she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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