just tell him i said nine months
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
