We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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