I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
