$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nicole vs. Life
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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