you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
