He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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