Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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