Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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