Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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