do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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