There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
