I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No subtext here. People are naked.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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