the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
