Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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