EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They took my balls.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
