This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
