I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
