some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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