The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
