you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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