By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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