he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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