I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
