I hate your face
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
