Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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