We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Yo dont text me then not text me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
