Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
