But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Farmville is her only friend.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
