You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
