This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
