sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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