we're chasing vodka with high fives
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Randomize
