there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
