Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
