i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
