I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
