dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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